you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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