I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
