And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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