you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
did i walk over a car last night?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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