I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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