I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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