bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize