Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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