Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
