do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
