found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
