You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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