we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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