I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
