We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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