if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
