Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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