Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
