I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
