I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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