Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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