I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
