have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
