just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize