dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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