our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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