yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
