im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
