Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
