I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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