i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
