honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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