What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
