I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
