Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
