that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs