So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
