so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
