Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
