So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize