Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
