life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
