He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
