But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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