So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
