Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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