You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
4 words: hood of his car
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize