New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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