Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize