We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
