Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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