Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
