I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
