I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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