if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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