wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
