he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
