im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
