come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
