Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
