you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
