just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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