respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
